Obscure toilet signs
I’m in a trendy bar in Soho. I’ve just contributed a sizeable portion of the joint’s monthly rent by purchasing and consuming a bourbon and coke, and I’m desperate for a wee. However, my attempts to...
View ArticleWeak hand dryers
I like those Dyson hand dryers. I like those Xtreme Air ones as well. The reason I like them? It’s not so much the user experience or the design (although those Dysons are rather sexy for a sanitary...
View ArticlePretentious descriptions of modern art
I’m a great believer in the old adage ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’. For that reason, I’m not averse to a bit of contemporary art. If a piece of visual nonsense floats even one person’s boat then
View ArticleTransparent bra straps
I was at a social gathering recently where I thought I was witness to a subtle yet poignant display of bravery. Despite having visible scar tissue on her back, no doubt the result of some horrific...
View ArticleTip jars at pubs
I’m broadly in favour of tipping. If someone performs a service and does it really well they should be rewarded. If it’s an awesome haircut, or a really well cleaned car, a particularly tender blowjob,...
View ArticleAudiences clapping along to music
Hello, how are you? (Don’t answer that out loud – I can’t hear you) Well, it’s been a while. Between Christmas infiltrating my life with its tinselly tendrils, and my place of employ working me harder...
View ArticleBadly organised pub quizzes
Hello. Shut up, I’ve been busy. But since you’re already preoccupied about the amount of time that has passed since my last entry, let me take you back to the tail end of 2004. I’m in a pub in Newcastle,
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